My homecoming

ik ben ik poppetjeI am myself. I exist for as long as I can remember. More of my kind are surrounding me. I feel an enormous attraction to them. Yet I remain myself on myself. 

I am on a journey. I don’t know where to or why. That I am moving from one place to another is all I know. The more I move, the more I approach my own kind. It is very peculiar; I long to merge with them and yet that very thought scares me too. 

I stop moving when I am afraid. Then I can move neither forward nor backward. I discover that standing still is not good for me. It makes a part of me evaporate and makes me smaller. That is not a pleasant experience at all. Every time I put my fears aside and choose for inner trust I continue my journey.

Now I am caught by surprise and merge together with one of the  others. This is an indescribable yet wonderful experience. It is as if something very familiar awakes in me. It becomes impossible for me to remain the same old me or to make a distinction between either of us. 

Thus the new and bigger me continues it’s journey. Others of my kind come in sight. Even though the experience of merging is a wonderful one, the fear of it keeps coming up. Fear brings my journey to a standstill. Surrender makes me merge and grow. As  I become bigger, my journey goes quicker. Merging happens more often. This wonderful feeling of merging is contagious.  I want to become bigger. Not that I have a choice.…

I tumble downwards like a huge waterfall. I become bedazzled. It is impossible for me to understand who I am. The only thing on my mind is: “More, more, give me more”. I become aware of a voice in me that guides me with words like: “Come; Go to the left; Go a little to the right now; Keep rolling; Time to merge”.

I am no longer me. My thoughts have merged with thoughts of the others into a stream of thoughts. This stream too goes faster and faster and merges with other streams into a bigger stream. I, that is no longer me, call myself “I am”. And everything with which I merge is “I am”.

Now… it becomes quiet. It is like a sea of silence. I am aware of no movement at all. My journey has come to an end. Everything is good. I am happy and I feel at home. I realize that deep inside I’ve known this all along. For in each part of us exists this voice that calls and encourages to come home.

ohm

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